i once tried to explain to someone, what goes on in my head. the constant turning of a very colorful wheel, one that extends tentacles into the world, latches onto something and pulls it back and how that jumble of mess can produce some obviously insane thoughts or ideas. needless to say, that someone was a little frightened of me afterwards. maybe i explained myself incorrectly, or somehow i even offended that person, but it matters to me not. i don't bother try to explain why i do something or why i think up something anymore, other than i must and if i do not, i feel like a tortured soul wanting to escape into that moment, that idea. ironically, many have imagined that i am depressed due to my submersion into an idea.
i was never the individual trapped into constant social environments, but many times found myself alone, sucked into whatever my mind put out. throughout school i would sit in class, barely able to concentrate on the lecture or test being given due to my imagination running and my mind being elsewhere (I apologize to my teachers). call it daydreaming, if you will, but it was never out of boredom or disinterest in the topic we were discussing. quite the contrary actually. learning interested me very much, and it still does. much of my inspiration would sometimes come from a lecture or a piece of writing we were studying, or the function of organism, or that delicately woven piece of history that greatly impacted the world.
in simple terms, i have a symbiotic relationship with the world and its inhabitants. i love the world. i love humans, and i like to watch them live each day and experience events and i watch them question existence, and i love the creatures and plants of this world, how they are so very much alive but radically different at times. it all fascinates me so much. and i cannot help but think that my fascination with such intricate details about this world and the inhabitants of it fuel my photography and anything else i create. it is that desire to study it, and try to interpret it through my art. and i have strayed greatly from this. so much so that i have been incredibly angry at myself, but i remembered all this again, and i am so vibrant and thrilled about starting again and bringing new life into photography, and eventually films. my God, i am so delighted once again.
